Like most days. Today I am tired. I woke up feeling a bit under the weather. It seems something is going around work. I am trying not to catch it but my focus is more than lacking.
I am frustrated. I have been frustrated most of the day. It has not been my week, to say the least. I feel like it is one thing after the other and of course all the emotions from whatever is going on with my husband. I am not comfortable in limbo. I have never realized that more than now.
I don’t understand people and I don’t like them. That is quite a way to start a blog post right? I am just sick of little side comments. Things that people say that they tell themselves to I guess what?! Make themselves feel better or hurt more but they say it around someone as a means to hurt them. When you don’t do anything and try to help someone, knowing you can’t help them but at least trying, then all they do is sit around and talk about how they do it alone?! Well, what the hell am I doing?!
Writing is not happening today. There has been a lot going on and I don’t think I can even put it into words. I am not sure that I even want too. I feel like I am in limbo so I am not sure that I can even verbal that. I will be back and writing but just not today.
I have a weird personality. I want to do things or think I want to do things but then in reality I don’t. I like the idea of being busy but I don’t like the reality. If that makes any sense.
I think about writing and feel like I don’t have anything to say. I tell myself that I need to write my post for the day and I think what will I say? What do I have to say? Does anything that I have to say even matter?
Today I am tired. I really don’t want to post. I feel like I have nothing to say. Yesterday we went to a concert which was fun but then woke up early this morning for what? You guessed it, house hunting. I am tired and a little annoyed. I didn’t expect it to be easy but man this is hard.
I feel like a kid who is forced to do homework. I don’t hate doing this but the commitment thing gets to me. I have issues committing. It is 100% the case. I am getting tired of the house hunting. I feel like let’s just pick a place already. I think the fact that the few we really liked just slipped away isn’t making it easier.
Do you ever think about the person you are? The person that others see you as and the person you see in your head. I know that most of the time those two people don’t really match up and most people will say it is only what you think about yourself that matters, but is that true? Does it only really matter what you think? Is that selfish? We can all learn and grow ourselves, but I think what people say or think of us matters when it is for the better. People are always critical, often times mostly of others, but sometimes people do it for good reason.
So I woke up this morning and realized, dun dun dun, I forgot to post yesterday. I will make it up by posting twice today. I know it really isn’t a make up but at least it is something.
Today got away from me. It has been up and down. I got the notification that I have had this blog a month today. One month! That is something right?
I know I just stole the title of a “Hamilton” song but that is what I life feels like right now. I love the musical too. It’s Sunday and another week is about to start. Another week of stress and worry. I wish time could just stand still. I am not of the time should stop to enjoy it but I want it to stop because I want to find a way to figure things out. I feel like I will never figure things out.