What is it that you want? This is a question you are asked from time to time and one that we frequently or should frequently ask ourselves. I was recently asked this question and I gave an answer, but I have been thinking about it long after that. The answer to this question is often different or it can change. What is it you want out of life? What is it that you want from a relationship? What is it that you want from your job? What is it that you want?
Everybody wants to change the world
But one thing’s clear
No one ever wants to change themselves
~ “Do You Really Want It” by: Nothing More
So this band and these guys are awesome first and foremost. I have had the pleasure of seeing them love three times and look forward to many more. This song is on their most recent album. I just got to hear them preform this song live and beyond amazing. If you haven’t checked them out, you should.
That could be a question for many things. Where do you go from here? Where do you go to be happy? Where do you go to feel love? Where do you go to find yourself?
I think many of these questions I ask myself in a regular basis but right now I really think about each of these questions. I feel like I should feel love and be happy. I am married and though things aren’t great they are pretty good. I still feel on uneasy ground if that makes sense.
So where do you go from struggling? I guess the only answer you would expect would be up. The whole what goes up must come down rule, it applies the other way as well right? It really must, so if you go down, then you must come back up, or at least one would think so. I know that life really does not work that way, seen it and know it to be true. It is sad that life doesn’t promise us the good, just the bad.
I can’t sleep and just keep thinking. I am thinking about things and life. I started writing a new story. Oh yeah I am a writer, if you didn’t already know. I have the stacks of rejections to prove it. That is what they say right?
I have failed. Not really like it is a surprise, but for the life of me, I can’t seem to keep this stuff up. I have started therapy, so that is an improvement. So much has happened in life though and I am not even sure where I stand.
I am terrible. I am a terrible person. Have I cheated? No. Have I thought about it, even considered it? Yes, very much so. I had the chance last Saturday, but I did not take it. I didn’t even really feel the desire then, which I guess says something, but still that I am even thinking about it has me flustered.
So it has been quite a few weeks huh? House hunting, therapy and of course Harvey. There is another storm in the Atlantic but those of us on the coast don’t even want to think about that. I have been thinking about this blog and my lack of focus as of late, but I realize that I need to get back to it. I need to get back to the reason I wanted to do this. I wanted to take an open and honest look at myself and hold nothing back. I have gotten away from it and I am not sure why, but I have some ideas.
I am one of those bored at work and have some stuff to do but don’t want to do it moods. I hate when you get in that I have stuff to do but refuse to do it moods. I keep going back to the feeling of having issues with committing. I am having a really hard time putting my focus in one place and keeping my attention there.