I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but if you are reading this, know you are not alone. Know that there is someone out there who understands. Know that there is someone out there who thinks they are fat, ugly, stupid, depressed, alone, scared, weird, strange, suicidal, just a complete mess. We all doubt something about ourselves, even the most smart and beautiful among us. You might be one, all or none of these things, but at the end of the day, we are all human. You are a person! You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be listened to. You deserve to have someone know your story.
So where do you go from struggling? I guess the only answer you would expect would be up. The whole what goes up must come down rule, it applies the other way as well right? It really must, so if you go down, then you must come back up, or at least one would think so. I know that life really does not work that way, seen it and know it to be true. It is sad that life doesn’t promise us the good, just the bad.
I feel anxious. I feel raw and exposed. I feel lost. I feel like my world is crumbling around me and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know where it is coming from, around me or inside of me, but I feel like I am at war with myself. With everything, from my brain to my heart and to my emotions. I feel on the verge of a panic attack or just screaming out. I want to be held and left alone. I feel crazy.
I have a hard time focusing. I feel like I want to do something like write or something, but then the act of committing to that action feels so burdensome. I mentioned that feeling to my therapist last week, not sure if that means anything, but it is bothersome for me right now.
Write. I must write. I haven’t yet today. It was both a good and chaotic day. It seems that is everyday. I want to stop and do things but lately it has been lawyer, house, mortgage, realtor, work, life, ugh!! Write when do I write?