I can’t sleep and just keep thinking. I am thinking about things and life. I started writing a new story. Oh yeah I am a writer, if you didn’t already know. I have the stacks of rejections to prove it. That is what they say right?
Sometimes you just have to keep it to yourself. There are many things I want to say but I just feel like it is no point. I get told that I am high and mighty. I get told that others wonder why I am how I am and I am being protected. I don’t want to change.
They say people treat you how you teach and let them treat you. It is true. I believe it, but I just think about what it means. I know that I am a bit of a push over at times and I want it to stop but if it makes people leave. How is that good?
I have not been able to find the balance of be yourself, stand up for yourself and find people that care about you. I have a hard time standing up for myself especially to males. I am sure my past and daddy issues attribute to that. I feel like it is too simple though and I want to be able to truly understand.
So opinion time, time to seek advice. If you were friends with someone, and you get into a relationship. The person expresses sexual interest in you and you shut them down. Should you still talk with them? I was told by a friend no. I believe she is right. I know in my heart that she is right, but there is something inside of me that tells me it is okay and it doesn’t matter and I can still keep talking to him. We aren’t talking anything sexual, just talking as we were, friends.
Do you ever just feel like there is so much stuff going on in your head that it will never be silenced? There are times in the day when I am half listening to some show, working and just trying to keep my thoughts straight and it is like something has to give. I try to focus on work, but sometimes just thinking of all that could/might be is just too much. It is almost a holiday, 4th of July here, and days off should be exciting right? Well, honestly I don’t feel excited. I feel like I am in a catch 22 of some kind. I don’t want to be at work but then I go home and just want to go back to work. I wouldn’t say that I am unhappy either place, but I just can’t seem to be where I want when I want to be there.
It is amazing what a day can do and how a selfish person can ruin it all. I watched a show were the characters talked about how silly being angry at people seemed and I couldn’t agree more.