I can’t sleep and just keep thinking. I am thinking about things and life. I started writing a new story. Oh yeah I am a writer, if you didn’t already know. I have the stacks of rejections to prove it. That is what they say right?
I am tired. It has been quite a busy week at work. I work in HR in benefits and we have been preparing for open enrollment. Normally open enrollment isn’t a hectic time for the team I am on but before has been super busy getting prepared. Hopefully it goes smoothly.
Besides work life has been up and down. Things with my husband have been good for the most part. He has his moments when he complains about me but for the most part it is good. We both have issues and sometimes we can’t be the support we need. I have come to realize and accept that but he struggles with it. I try to be understanding but sometimes it is difficult.
So I ended up calling my therapist. At first I felt silly and thought it was a mistake, but after the session it was good. I feel like I am doing better now. I still feel up and down but I don’t feel quite so stressed.
At first she told me it was good. It was good that I was feeling stressed and anxious because it means that I am feeling things. I have a hard time with emotions and I definitely did not and have not dealt with my rape. I still blame myself for much of what happened and I don’t know how to not feel that way.
So sex yeah back to that. Make it lively again right? I should be sleeping, but I can’t. I feel like I am going to crash but I just can’t.
I hate how I feel right now. I feel like I want sex but then I don’t. I want for once for it to be about me, at least some. I don’t feel like my husband finds me attractive anymore or it’s not even that, it’s like he isn’t interested in sex. It’s not that I want sex a lot but I feel like we never have it and I try to please him but as for me. If I don’t do it then I ain’t getting there.
I am frustrated. I want him to take an interest. I want him to want me. I feel alone and rejected. It is making me want to lash out and self pleasure isn’t enough apparently. I want him to desire me. I just want to give up.
I am exhausted. Not tired. I am emotionally exhausted. I wish I could sleep but I can’t. I have insomnia for about a week now. I went to bed like 3 yesterday then up at 8. This has been a while now. I want to feel stable. I don’t and I don’t know what to do about it.
A storm is coming to the Texas gulf coast. You would think it is the end of the world. People stocking up. We just got home from getting some stuff but man it was rough. We started at one place but no bread or water. No bread or water.
Today we looked at houses again. We kind of are starting over where house hunting is concerned. I am ready to find one. Today I feel like we had some luck and one that I really liked. Our realtor said that we should check in tomorrow. We might make an offer.
I would love to get something going because then we could be closing on a house soon. I ready to close. I am ready to have a house. We will see what happens.
Stupid pre orders and stupid companies that don’t make enough of their products. Today the pre orders for the SNES classic went live. They came and went. It is just like Nintendo to put something out and screw everyone over. Why do we subject ourselves to it? We want to I guess.
Because today everything is about the eclipse why not? I honestly didn’t care much about it but then my mom bought me the viewing glasses. I took them to work and thought I wonder if I will use them.
It was a huge event across the country. Some places had fill eclipse but we just had partial. Looking at it through the glasses was quite an experience. It was really neat to see the sun covered.
Should have posted Friday but I am visiting my mom this weekend. I am taking these two days off. I will pick up Monday. Eclipse day?! People are so weird. Anyway, just wanted to say a quick note. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!!
Like most days. Today I am tired. I woke up feeling a bit under the weather. It seems something is going around work. I am trying not to catch it but my focus is more than lacking.