I don’t know why I do the things I do. I honestly don’t know what motivates me. I have this seeming need/desire to do things that I know will hurt me. In terms of hurting, I mean emotionally and sexually. I seek out men who want to use me sexually or will flirt with me. I am married, so more than obvious to say that is not a good thing.
So yesterday was an interesting day. It was long and stressful and really it was last night. I have been struggling myself, but then add in my husband and things are just stressing me out way too much. Last night my husband got upset with me and honestly, it was unwarranted. I definitely felt blindsided by it and how he reacted afterward just has me feeling crummy.
Another week, another Monday, another “fresh start” you could say. I feel like last week was about a month of experiences and stuff going on. I feel like this weekend was a step in a positive direction. I feel like today, I am unsure what I feel or think and that I just want to stop thinking about things. I want a vacation or just a break. I know that things are just getting started and I really need to buckle down but I just can’t seem to do that. I can’t seem to get my head on right.