It is mental health awareness week and with everything going on in the world, we need a bit more focus on that. It is sad how so much is connected to mental health issues but sadly, the actions get the attention not the cause. People are too quick to dismiss mental health and it is causing more and more issues.
I am terrible. I am a terrible person. Have I cheated? No. Have I thought about it, even considered it? Yes, very much so. I had the chance last Saturday, but I did not take it. I didn’t even really feel the desire then, which I guess says something, but still that I am even thinking about it has me flustered.
Sleep has not been my friend lately. I would say that I have felt more depressed lately and that would make sense with everything going on. I just don’t know how to get out of it. I hate that my “husband” seems fine. I hate how he talks about being honest and how people hate him for it and he won’t talk to me. If you want to be honest, here is your chance. I was probably the most honest with him the other night and still I feel like I get nothing back from him. I feel like he knows what he wants to do, but is too scared to say it.
Sometimes you just have to keep it to yourself. There are many things I want to say but I just feel like it is no point. I get told that I am high and mighty. I get told that others wonder why I am how I am and I am being protected. I don’t want to change.
Today another one dies. Thousands of people die all over the world every day but it seems that there have been far too many suicides. Chester Bennington was found dead this morning in an apparent suicide. Saying that he died, just doesn’t seem like it is enough. I am in shock and of course, I did not personally know him or anything but the heartache over someone taking their own life is heartbreaking. Of course, the speculation could be endless, being that today would have been Chris Cornell’s 53rd birthday, so maybe that played a part, but either way it is horribly sad.
They say people treat you how you teach and let them treat you. It is true. I believe it, but I just think about what it means. I know that I am a bit of a push over at times and I want it to stop but if it makes people leave. How is that good?
I have not been able to find the balance of be yourself, stand up for yourself and find people that care about you. I have a hard time standing up for myself especially to males. I am sure my past and daddy issues attribute to that. I feel like it is too simple though and I want to be able to truly understand.
Life is really crazy. There was a quote from “Law and Order SVU” that said all you need is for your pain to be witnessed to start healing. Today I actually talked to a friend at work and kind of laid it out and it seemed to help. Knowing that you aren’t alone really does something.
It seems so simple and silly to write it like it is some major realization yet it isn’t. We aren’t meant to be or live our lives alone. Sometimes it seems easier to live that way, but it’s a lie. We aren’t meant to go it alone. Life is too much of a bitch to have you go it alone. Can you do it? Yes you can but it is so much easier and better when you don’t have to.
Today is the start of my weekend because I work a flex schedule. I know many readers out there knows what this is, but for those who don’t let me quickly explain. I basically work a non traditional schedule and I work 9/8 so 9 hours most days, 8 hours one day and one day off. I get every other Friday off, best part I get off payday Friday!!
Another day, another post. Day two and time already seems like it is getting away from me. I have a note to post this, trying to do it in the morning, but as you see that did not happen. I have been thinking a lot since yesterday as to what should be my follow up, my first “real” post on the blog and I still don’t know. I keep thinking I should start with something heavy, but is that really how I want to set the tone of my blog? I still don’t even really know what this is or will turn into. I guess the days will just have to let us see.