So yesterday was an interesting day. It was long and stressful and really it was last night. I have been struggling myself, but then add in my husband and things are just stressing me out way too much. Last night my husband got upset with me and honestly, it was unwarranted. I definitely felt blindsided by it and how he reacted afterward just has me feeling crummy.
There is a difference between a guy and an abuser. I said this yesterday in the post and the thought just keeps rolling around in my mind. It seems so simple and obvious to say such a thing, but it is a sad realization for me that I realize that I didn’t understand that. I didn’t understand that all guys aren’t that way. I can’t say that I thought all guys were abusive, but I guess I didn’t realize just what the abusive behavior was. Maybe it also has to do with maturity of the guy, though that really shouldn’t matter, but who knows maybe?
I have been considering therapy again. I have lots of things I’ve moved in from but I haven’t healed from. Today at work kind of by surprise I spoke with a friend about a lot of stuff. It was unexpected and probably the best conversation I’ve actually had in person about it all. I say best because I was actually able to talk about it.
The hardest thing for me is to talk about what happened. I don’t talk about what happened when I was younger but even from when I was older. I have realized a lot of stuff but there is still much I need to understand and deal with. The guy who wants to be my side piece has made me realize some things too.
I have a weird personality. I want to do things or think I want to do things but then in reality I don’t. I like the idea of being busy but I don’t like the reality. If that makes any sense.
I think about writing and feel like I don’t have anything to say. I tell myself that I need to write my post for the day and I think what will I say? What do I have to say? Does anything that I have to say even matter?
Today I am tired. I really don’t want to post. I feel like I have nothing to say. Yesterday we went to a concert which was fun but then woke up early this morning for what? You guessed it, house hunting. I am tired and a little annoyed. I didn’t expect it to be easy but man this is hard.
I feel like a kid who is forced to do homework. I don’t hate doing this but the commitment thing gets to me. I have issues committing. It is 100% the case. I am getting tired of the house hunting. I feel like let’s just pick a place already. I think the fact that the few we really liked just slipped away isn’t making it easier.
Do you ever think about the person you are? The person that others see you as and the person you see in your head. I know that most of the time those two people don’t really match up and most people will say it is only what you think about yourself that matters, but is that true? Does it only really matter what you think? Is that selfish? We can all learn and grow ourselves, but I think what people say or think of us matters when it is for the better. People are always critical, often times mostly of others, but sometimes people do it for good reason.
I was reading an article today and though I knew I shouldn’t, I read the comments. I hate reading the comments and I understand everyone is entitled to their opinions, but there are some things that are right and there are some things that are wrong. This article was about a husband who recorded himself raping his wife while she slept. I wasn’t married to the guy, but I did wake up one time with a guy I was dating on top of me and inside me. I was able to take him by surprise, because he did not know I had woken up and pushed him off of me, but still the idea of someone doing that while you are sleeping, it is sickening.
Any readers out there looking for a way to make legitimate extra money? I have been talking with a co-worker and we just can’t seem to find something. I know that if I could have a job that was just on the side and as needed or where I could make my own schedule that would be great. I don’t really have talents per say though, that is the problem. I am good at organizing and time management. I wish I could just find someone who needed a virtual assistant and I could do that. I think I would be great at it.
So I woke up this morning and realized, dun dun dun, I forgot to post yesterday. I will make it up by posting twice today. I know it really isn’t a make up but at least it is something.
So today was a full day of house hunting as well as just running. We found some prospects and the perfect one, but it is just a dream. So I’m good with the choices we have and there are other options too. We will see what happens. I have some time. Not much but some.