Still not sure I know the point…

I have a hard time focusing. I feel like I want to do something like write or something, but then the act of committing to that action feels so burdensome. I mentioned that feeling to my therapist last week, not sure if that means anything, but it is bothersome for me right now.

I think a lot of things are bothering me because of a lot of different things. I still don’t know where I stand with my husband, work has been kind of slow which is good but bad, I am not sure where I stand with everything else, the house stuff is not going great, so just a lot of stuff annoying me. We were at the point with the house situation that we would basically be starting over with looking. There is not a lot out there in my price range that would be a place that I would want to live.  There is one that we still have but we would have to offer a bit less and we don’t know if the seller would go for it and I just don’t want to waste time.

Patience is not on my side right now. I was talking to my co-worker who is doing therapy too and she said that her therapist gave her homework. I felt a little annoyed that mine didn’t say anything. I have always been told that you would get homework, but I never really had any no matter who I went to see. I did with one, but she often never asked to even see it, so it was more than a little annoying. I feel like I am going out of my mind. I have thought about bringing in stuff that I write on this blog, but not sure I would want to do that either. I have no idea what we will discuss the next time we go. I am in this back and forth struggle of is it worth it or not.

Work has been slow lately. There are things that I need to do, but again focus has been difficult for me. I can focus for brief periods of time, but not that long and after that is over; I am done. I can go from thing to thing but staying with one thing it just isn’t happening. My husband started to review our book that we are working on and that make me think I should work on that some. I was doing pretty good for a while, but then again lost interest. It is difficult with that story too because we basically came up with the concept and then I am writing it out in book form. He did say that it was good, but still it is the commitment of writing it. It just isn’t there right now.

I have been doing pretty well with this though. Okay, I have been doing okay with this. I have been writing every day regardless of if it is pretty or not, at least I have been writing. I can at least say that I have committed to this though I am not sure how far I am from where I started. I wouldn’t say this blog has been any kind of a hit or anything. I have posted 50 posts, I have a handful of followers and I did hit 100 likes the other day. This is just journal online so really not have a lot of attention isn’t too surprising. I still just wonder what is the point. I don’t think I have quite figured that out yet.


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