Lots of work to do…

I have a weird personality. I want to do things or think I want to do things but then in reality I don’t. I like the idea of being busy but I don’t like the reality. If that makes any sense.

I think about writing and feel like I don’t have anything to say. I tell myself that I need to write my post for the day and I think what will I say? What do I have to say? Does anything that I have to say even matter?

I am not of the mindset that some people are more important than others but I guess I want to say something that matters. I want to be able to connect. I can’t seem to connect in real life so at least online I would like to have something to say and people that listen. I know that people are reading which is great but I guess I just want to know what I say reaches people.

I should really start to plan these things out. I just never know what it is that I want to say. I will say the past few days my mind has gone back to thoughts of sex. I don’t know what to do about things with my husband. I feel like he hates me and it seems weird because I don’t know why. I feel oblivious to it all and the worst thing is I think we are fine.

I just don’t know and the idea of writing all this stuff out just feels a bit pointless. There things I need to deal with and write about but I avoid them. I know I need to get back to the point of this blog but I just don’t have then energy. Working on yourself takes a lot of work and when you don’t have support around you, it makes it that much more difficult.

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