It’s the after that counts…

Do you ever think about the person you are? The person that others see you as and the person you see in your head. I know that most of the time those two people don’t really match up and most people will say it is only what you think about yourself that matters, but is that true? Does it only really matter what you think? Is that selfish? We can all learn and grow ourselves, but I think what people say or think of us matters when it is for the better. People are always critical, often times mostly of others, but sometimes people do it for good reason.

The hardest part when it comes to change and who we are, it is difficult for us to know what advice to take and what it discard. I know that I am no expert on this subject matter. I am sure that I could take a bit more advice from others and possibly be a better person, but there comes a time when you have just seen what the world is like and you can’t go back. It was a weird realization for me when I thought of the person I was before and after my assault. I know that I was molested as a child, but in my mind, or maybe because it shaped me so much, I couldn’t see the difference. I couldn’t see who I was and who had become, but after the recent one, I can tell.

I am sure that others could tell too, but none of the people that really knew me before know me now. I lost contact with a lot of people. It is true when they say that you kind of lose yourself. I hated being around people, hell I even hated being around myself, but sadly you can’t escape yourself. It felt painful to be alone, but it felt even more so being around people that knew you. It was so draining because you knew you were not who you were before but those people didn’t know or understand and it is way too much trying to explain it all to someone, especially if they have never really experienced it themselves.

All of this got a little bit rambling, as I often do, but all of this just to say be careful of where you get your advice from. Be careful not to take everything that everyone says about you and hold it as gospel. Too often people pick at something they don’t like about a person, not because they don’t like it, but because they don’t possess it in themselves and want to take it away from you too. You have to be careful of those who mean you harm, in anyway. Are there good people? I think, maybe, honestly I haven’t met too many, but I think they are out there. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I am one.

You have to decide who you want to be and how you want the world to see you and just live with it. Most of us can’t live with the decisions we make or live with the consequences of the actions of our lives. Sometimes awful things happen because we caused them in some way and sometimes they just happen because they are out of our control, but how we let that impact our lives is completely our choice. We choose how we react to an event in our lives. People seem to forget that, but even though we can’t control the things that happen, what we do after is completely up to us. Just something to think about…

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