I should have known not to read the comments…

I was reading an article today and though I knew I shouldn’t, I read the comments. I hate reading the comments and I understand everyone is entitled to their opinions, but there are some things that are right and there are some things that are wrong. This article was about a husband who recorded himself raping his wife while she slept. I wasn’t married to the guy, but I did wake up one time with a guy I was dating on top of me and inside me. I was able to take him by surprise, because he did not know I had woken up and pushed him off of me, but still the idea of someone doing that while you are sleeping, it is sickening.

I understand to each his own, but this man’s actions are disgusting. Most comments, before I stopped reading, were about they were married and he couldn’t rape her. Almost all the comments talked about unbelievable the article was and how she shouldn’t be believed. To me, it was obvious, what he did was disgusting and I would have turned him into the police as well. Not only was he doing unconsented sexual acts with her, but he filmed it while it was happening. Please also criticized her for going to the police instead of just talking to him, because it could have been a “misunderstanding”. Misunderstanding? How do you misunderstand undressing someone, engaging in sexual activity, filming it and never once seeing if they are awake? Misunderstanding?! Hell no.

To me it is personal. I know it shouldn’t be and this is why I don’t read such comments. I hate the way that people think. I hate the fact that someone could hear a story like that and think of anyone else but the person who was hurt by such an act. People are so judgmental and often speak and discuss about things they have no idea what it is like in reality to deal with. Come talk online about a woman who was raped by her husband and not know anything about what she must be going through. I just makes my head spin.

I think the time of year doesn’t make it any better. I was thinking the other day that my past doesn’t affect me as much, but I honestly don’t know if I even believe that. My anniversary was two days ago. I was recently talking about “13 Reasons Why” with a co-worker and the reality of some of those scenes were just too much for me. The way the character reacted after the rape was just spot on. I remember that feeling of being in reality but no longer feeling a part of it. The world around you is still the same, but somehow it seems completely different and you can’t seem to find your place in it anymore. You feel alien.

I wouldn’t quite say I feel alien or as alien anymore, but there are still moments. There are still moments when I know that I am not the same as before it happened. I know that I am not the same person and the world around me isn’t the same. I can’t look at it in the same way. I try not to think about it anymore. I try not to think about the person I was then, the person I am after, the way it has changed and affected me. There are times that I can’t deny it. There are times when I can’t just let it go. When I read such articles and read such comments, those are the times that it hits me hardest.

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