Whoever said, “Life isn’t easy,” was telling the truth. It seems like every day there is something new. The whole idea of something new isn’t inherently bad, but lately that is how it has felt for me. I feel like peace is just right outside my grasp and I don’t know what I can do to find it. I know you can’t worry about things that you can’t change or that you just don’t know what will happen, but sometimes it is hard to get your mind to stop obsessing.
This whole buying a house thing has really got to me. I know that it shouldn’t and just like my mother said it will all work out, but being on this side of things, I am not so sure. I keep telling myself it will, but I just can’t seem to get my head to fully believe it and I guess that is because I know that I don’t fully believe it. I tell myself it will be okay, but then the doubt and worry creep in. I am not and have really been a patient person, so this is a lot of hurry up and wait kind of stuff. I just want to hurry up already.
Things are moving, but I am just not sure if they are moving in the direction I want/need them to be moving in. I just want to have all the answers to everything! Is that possible?! Where is my story so that I can flip a few chapters ahead and just see how it will be in five or ten years. I feel like I am trying to fill out a college essay and somehow answer that where do you see yourself question. Where do I see myself?! An early grave.
Breathe, I know. It isn’t that big a deal and yes life often has its way of working things out, but what if this is that time. What if this is that time when it doesn’t work out? How will I handle and deal with it? Writing about it only seems to make me freak out more, so not sure this is helping. I guess letting all the crazy out is a good thing and doing it this way is smart. I am not unleashing this on my husband and freaking him out, so that is good right?
Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. That pattern is just too much. I need to live today for today. I need to live today and take the stuff of today and not think ahead. I need to just remember that life often works out and I just have to think this will be one of those times when it will again. As I type, thunder claps, something to take my mind off things? At least now I can worry about will I be going home in a storm?! Got to love Texas weather right? Goes from 100 degrees to a full-blown thunderstorm. At least it isn’t boring right. Just let today worry about the worries of today and see what tomorrow brings.