Closing walls

Sometimes you just have to keep it to yourself. There are many things I want to say but I just feel like it is no point. I get told that I am high and mighty. I get told that others wonder why I am how I am and I am being protected. I don’t want to change.

I don’t like people. I have never been able to get close to them because they leave or I push them. I think sometimes I should change that but then it just feels like there is no point. I feel like sometimes people hurt and they use that hurt to hurt others.

I think people hate themselves so much then use that hate to hurt others. I try not to be like those people. I know I don’t feel like normal people. I can be colder than most. Maybe I am a bit heartless but sometimes you have to be that way.

I think being heartless can save your life at times. Maybe sometimes that is the only way you can live. I feel so conflicted. I wish I could get away. I hate how hostile I feel but it is because I feel trapped. I feel like no matter what I’m just here. I am here clawing away and there is no one to hear me.

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