Day One: The Who? What? Why?

Just like with anything, there is always a why? Blogs are no different, what is the point of it all? Blogs start for all different reasons, but this one, this one I am starting for me. In a sense, all blogs start out this way. I have always had an issue with loving me. Loving who I am and accepting that who I am is okay (isn’t that all of us right?!) I guess I want to do this for myself, for the first time, I want to do this for me. I want to commit to something for me, my choosing, my liking and damn the rest of the world.

The who? In the real world, I am far from that girl. I am the girl that on the outside seems tough and put together and like she has everything going for her, but inside she is a scared girl just trying to keep her head above water. I want to remain anonymous, at least for now, because I want you to wonder. I want you think this could be any girl I know. I often feel that way, that I am so bland that I can almost fit anywhere, but then it makes me feel mostly like I just don’t fit anywhere. (Sound like anyone out there?) I also want to remain anonymous to have freedom to say what I feel and think. I don’t want to rewrite my history but then again I don’t want to have people that think they know me judge me based on what they might read here.

The what? I am committing to writing at least once a day for 365 consecutive days. I wrote “and some” in the title because maybe after a year I will write more or less or whenever I want, but for now I feel that I can honestly agree with myself to write for a year every day no more no less. I want to do this as a bit of a project. I have always fancied myself a writer, even had some stuff published, but I have a bad habit of starting but never finishing something. This is sort of a test of sorts. I want to see if I can do this. If I can start something and see it through.

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So I love water and flowers. I will often use images of either to express both happiness, sadness and whatever else I might be feeling. I have always loved to be by the water because it makes me feel and think. I love the vastness of it and I feel like I should include this right off the bat just as more of who I am. The ocean, flowing water, makes me want to dream and reminds me that the world is so large. I think just like this blog will. It will make me feel alive and sometimes we all need that reminder that life sometimes feels like a mess, but we are still living it and as long as we are still breathing than life can still surprise both in good and bad ways. There is nothing wrong with taking both the good and the bad, because sometimes the messed up stuff makes us realize just what we have to live for.

I feel like I can do this. I feel like I can commit to a year and at the end of that year, see how this has changed or molded me. I want this to be a time in my life where I discover myself and finally deal with certain things. There is going to be a lot that I will discuss here from family to abuse to boring everyday life. I want to finally have a place to put my thoughts and maybe get some feedback from you other bloggers and readers out there. I want to grow and hopefully this next year will see me do just that. Some come on this is going to be quite a year and we will get through one blog post at a time!

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